thoughts for today

• Today sucked, but it's okay, cause tomorrow will be better (eternal optimist, what? = P )
  
• I had a walk today & it was good.
• My brother has decent taste in music, but don't tell him.
• Something Corporate, Plain White Tee's, and Iron&Wine are fantastic.
• A Grown-up, chubby version of Steve Erkel was stalking me. Yikes.
• I took lots of pictures that I can't load onto Rafael until I find a USB cord.
• My ipod will also not last much longer without a USB cord--and I looked for the damn thing again today, and still have yet to find it.
• I got a B- on my religion test today, and I am Very Content with it!!!! = )
• I am a damn fine woman.
• I will never avert my eyes from a man without a damn good reason.
• I do not need anyone except myself.
  
• However, I do love my friends.
• God is good.
  

Love
Sarah

And another thing, I love driving, and as my mom says, to stop me, you'll have to pry the keys out of my cold dead hands! Can't stop me bitches!

New Face.

I needed a new look for this baby.

Oh, And I've decided that as soon as I find my USB cords for my camera (how much does it suck that I just now found a battry charger, but don't have a USB cord?), I'm going to put pictures of my dorm room up...once I clean it! = P You know me. . .

I need my cord for my ipod too...the battery is running low, and that simply will not do.

I am very tired, and tired of stress. I have 2 psycho-crazy tests this week...And I'm not sure when my next English paper is due...I'd better figure that out soon.

There are lots of weird feelings going on inside me right now...they do not aid the stress. I love things I'm feeling, in a way, but I'm afraid that they might take me in a direction that will hurt someone, myself or others. Especially since I'm not really sure what direction my life is heading at the moment.

Umm....so, I think I'm going to study I guess. All the words for the Thursday test are African (O.O) and Friday is a Spanish test (o.O).
I'm scared.

Not as scared as I was while watching Halloween though--I was a basketcase, curled up in a ball, biting my fingers and everything, trying not to scream. It was BAD.

Much love,
More details later,
Sarah.

Defiant Bitch Mode.

I apologize, but I feel the need to rant about something that I have noticed...no one really told me any of this, but issues with other certain groups of people I've come into contact with recently made me feel the need to rant about stuff...

I am Sarah. This is my body, not yours. You may not tell me what to do with it. In fact, how dare you tell me what to do with it, or what to wear, or how to present/hide it. I'll be damned if I EVER feel ashamed for showing skin. Sure, I don't want to be a slut, but I totally have the right to do so, if I so desire, and YOU cannot tell me otherwise.

I don't wear tank tops so that guys will look at me and fall into sin. Hell, if that's all I've got to do to make them fall into sin, just imagine the damage I could do if I opened my mouth! I wear what I want to wear when I want to wear, and I do this because I like the way I feel in it. If I'm in a pair of comfy jeans and a hoody, I'm warm & comfy. If I choose a spaghetti-strapped dress that swishes when I move, it's because I love the way I feel in it.

I dress up for me. Anyone else is an added bonus.


And another thing. No one owns me either, ever. God, and only God owns me. Ever. God loves me always, too.

I do solemnly swear that I will do whatever I want, and whatever I believe God wants me to do, from here on out.
Everyone else will just have to suck it up & deal with it.

All of my defiant bitch love,
Sarah with one Solid Strong H.

"Quiero hacer contigo lo que la primavera hace con los cerezos."-P.N

I've been reading a few of my favorite Pablo Neruda poems lately. <3>
The man makes my heart melt.
"Quiero hacer contigo lo que la primavera hace con los cerezos."--Pablo Neruda
It's my favorite single line from a poem ever, because it's so perfectly poetic and romantic. *sighs*


Anyway...
Yesterday was quite the eventful day, and a good one at that. Mom & I went to Gabe's, were looking around, and suddenly, we turn to see Andrew Beal--stopped dead in his tracks, staring at us. Haha, it was awesome.

I tend to have that effect on men.
*rolls eyes*
Then last night I had a bad dream about Andrew, woke up and thought, "I must have missed him a lot after all!" then I rolled over, fell back to sleep, and forgot the dream completely.

Anyway, that was exciting. We also went out to lunch with my Grandma since I won't be able to tgo to our family reunion next weekend. Then, we had one final game of Clown Golf, where Dad actually won. O.O That never happens. Of course, Comic Relief Sarah (or Caddie as Chuckie called me all day) was annihiliated, defeated, obliterated, crushed, killed, slaughtered, etc, etc, etc. It was unfortunate, but we had a good time. Plus, I did end up getting a hole-in-one. (never mind how many holes I had to "take a 6" on. . . )

I drove most the day, except while Grandma was in the car. I am not that great of a driver, and I surely don't want to give the poor lady a heart attack!!!

I also made an evening trip to the store, with a few slight misadventures in between. Again, unfortunate.

It was a good day. Today, there is a little more shopping in store (oh the puns!), a trip back to motown, some more studying (ha, whatever.), and maybe a few phone calls. <3>

Hasta luego,
your favorite Sarah.

Trembling with Anticipation

Sometimes I feel as if my whole life revolves around anticipation, which is completely and totally pointless and unfortunate. Not a cool way to live.

This is one of the many reasons I am so content with my life at this point in time. Although maybe (I really hope this makes as much sense as I intend) there are things I am anticipating (. . . =). . .), I am living my life right now.
I hope...

At least I will tell you that I have made decisions about what I want thus far:

• I want to get better grades than before (it's a must!) & the best I believe I can get.
• I want to feel organized.
• I want to feel as if I am doing my best in everything college-related.
• I want to hang out with ALL my friends that I miss so much, and those I can't physically see I want to keep in touch via phone, e-mail, IM, facebook, or real letters.
• I want to do Zumba, and not be too much of a chicken to go by myself.
• I want to kick ass in Tae Kwondo!
• I want to make progress in discovering what I want to do with my life.
• I want to make my plans for this summer (Honduras!?!?! <3)
• I want to continue searching for God on campus, in whatever, in whomever, or wherever that might be. The Lutheran ministry is a start. Maybe the Episcopalians have gotten their act together too. Even if it's taking a slow meditative walk, I've got to do something this year. Last year was awful in that respect.
• I want to make this year a good year.

I realize that there are a whole lot of "I want's" in this list, and many are needs as well. I also know that they'll take a lot of work, but I need to do it. Unfortunately, this may mean cutting back on some intense phone conversations (<3) or pc time (oh, whatever will i do? heh).

I can and will do as much as I can. I need to, for my sanity if nothing else. Besides, everyone paying for me to take these crazy classes, including myself, deserves to know that they are not wasting their time and money. So there.

Anyway, long day tomorrow...gotta find the health center for blood pressure check & heartrate checks. woot woot. *scrunches nose*

Good niiiight!

Discipline.

I went to compline at the Lutheran Church tonight. It was pretty cool. The only differences between their compline and ours was the chanting and the incense. Ha, ha. It was awesome.
It felt familiar enough that it certainly helped.
I need my discipline.

In other news, I think I've already gained serious weight from the barely-over-a-week that I've been in Morgantown. Between eating out & stressing out, and eating because of stress, I think my body is pissed at me. Both of my capris are much snugger than I ever recall them being. Granted, I'm also not at Peterkin anymore.
Damn boys stressin' me out. Boo.

As for studying, I might wanna try that sometime....
And my roommate--love her! She always has such boundless energy! I love it.
Umm...It's a disaster in my room...and
umm
I need my Spanish homework to be started & finished, and to sleep before 1030 rolls around tomorrow, in which case I flop into Italian Mode. AYAYAY.

Goodnight/morning.
Sarah
Ps Jet Li is hott.
PPs I love being single.
PPPs I love and miss my friends.
PPPPs I love God.

Finally

This is finally where God wants me to be. Or closer anyway. And by saying this, I don't mean that being further from Ammar is what God wants. I just mean that God wants me to take a step back and prioritize. God has a plan for me, and God's will be done.

I feel better than I have for the longest time just because I know I did something difficult for me, even though it hurt really bad, in order to step back and figure out where my heart is.

God only knows where my heart is, at least for now, but it is back with God.

No longer preoccupied by "earthly matters," if you will.
We are such fascinating creatures, aren't we? God has sculpted us so intricatedly. It's absolutely amazing. So amazing that we can only pretend to think we understand ourselves & each other.

I have other things to clear up, but first I would live to thank all of my awesome, clever friends, without whom I would have never managed to muster this much sanity. <3

Okay, now, clearing up. Apparently there was an awesome Sarah-bashing party a few days ago, where my ex-roommate and ex-boyfriend had a consult on my shortcomings. (flippin' sweet, eh?). So here is the thing, in case the ex-roommate is still peeking at my blog. I never hated you. No. I hated never having privacy, as much as anything.That was what killed me the most. When I walked into my room this year, there was almost a full wall between the 2 beds, and I almost cried with relief. I just need/want my own space. I got so used to it the first semester of last year. Then you moved in, and it was kinda like a sleepover, only forever. Have you ever had a friend over for a sleepover that lasted more than one night, and by the end of the second night you think you're gonna kill them? It was the second night, but that's kind of how it was. You're a good person, and you have a great personality. I just think were incompatible as roommates, and that living together was a mistake. I wouldn't change it, I learned from it, but it still made things very difficult. That doesn't mean I don't like you at all anymore. And it certainly doesn't mean I wanted to hurt your feelings by everything I've written in here, had it been my choice, I would have spared you that pain, I'm sorry.
Umm...If you now hate me, that's ok, and I understand, but I just felt like you ought to know that it wasn't your fault at all, it was just that I had no personal space, no sanctuary. I need that once in a while, you know. Sorry for all the pain.

And, with that I suppose I will leave you. For anyone else who read that, re-read the top part of this entry because that part was much more upbeat. I am really happy now, aside from hurting others, I wouldn't change anything.
I am where God wants me.
Finally.

Thank goodness.

Finally,
Sarah with an H is back.