Terror and Sorrow

I am terrified out of my technologically-incompetent mind.
I believe Marisol might have been sliced through and through in the middle of a night of chaos. Dear beloved Marisol, poetess-to-be and singer of my soul,
Stabbed with a knife to the heart while she was sleeping.
Woe is she; woe is me.

[Brief translation: I fear I have lost all my documents, including poetry and other wonderful things that may forever be forgotten.]

Coping--or whining, you decide.

I'm in a downer kind of mood. Missing Peterkin is most of it. Sucking at life is the rest.
haha.

It seems ridiculously unfair that my boyfriend and I only get to see each other for only a few hours at a time every few weeks. = ( I know people suck it up and deal with this all the time, but it doesn't help much. How can you build a relationship over the phone? It's kind of a struggle.

Enough about my love life.

I feel like I'm chained to this country, one arm shackled to Morgantown and the other shackled to Parkersburg. I can't break loose. I can't afford to break away from the hands that feed me and the lives they give me. But how I long to escape! Not simply to take in my own pleasure the world God has created, but to go out and serve, to give myself to people who need me, whom I can help. I want to make the world a better place, even if I change one life. If I make one person's day better, then my day has not been wasted. I feel jealous of these people going out of the country, or even to different parts of the country--I want to do that. So bad. I want to go places and see people. I want to experience everything.
Even if it terrifies me to do so.
I want to escape and bloom and flourish and grow. I wanted to return cultured and astute, informed, worldly and knowledgeable.


How depressing.

I DON'T WANT TO BE EMILY DICKINSON.
I want to go places, see people, do things.
I Want To Live.


I just needed to get that out there.
I know I can live here too. I just really want to go elsewhere for a while, even just once.

Just Because

I have no idea what this post will entail--you have been warned.

Feisty Francesca has returned from rehab, and I am hoping she copes better than Lindsay Lohan and Britney.

I read "Deep Six" and it has me somewhat concerned about our government...conspiracy theories are buzzing through my mind as I type.

I have been avoiding my Spanish paragraph--a ten line paragraph--just because I can't find a salsa/meringue song to translate/summarize. I tried. So, then today I silenced my phone and forgot to unsilence it, which meant I missed Spanish class. I got notes from a girl in class. ooohhh. I am totally hating on that class right now. *hangs head* It makes me feel like way more of a failure than I actually am, I'm nearly sure of it.

Sometimes I stay up obscenely late, just because I dread facing the next day.

I've been having so much trouble feeling inspired to do stuff lately. I turned in my Peterkin application Two Weeks after the deadline. Um, embarrassing much? I was avoiding it in hopes of learning more about Honduras. Or anything else. I want to go overseas so bad, I want to use my Spanish--you know what I'm good at--and help people. While I love being a counselor/lifeguard (though I don't enjoy the lifeguarding part), it doesn't help my search for a career, it doesn't pay well (financially, of course, though it's just as rewarding or more so than many other jobs), and I don't know that it is where God wants me this summer. I have no idea.
So, originally, I just avoided confronting it at all.
But, I ended up confronting it--it makes sooo much more sense.

. . .Confessions and Images . . . < 3

I wrote in xanga instead, because I'm a wimp.
So here are sweet pics.







I want to be swept away.




Hold me.






I miss my clarinet a lot.








I like biting. And kissing.
A lot.



Sometimes you just need to beat the hell out of something.



Or dance around in your underwear.

My friends

I love my family and friends more than anyone in the whole wide world.

With all the reflecting I've been doing lately, I've been remembering how much they've helped me in the past.

God has blessed me with beautiful, wonderful friends who, like me, are imperfect, but with their imperfection, they are perfect.

I'd be hopelessly lost without them.

That's all I can type and still remain composed.

If I got paid per apartment visit, I'd have a whole month's rent in no time!

Option Uno--Near Arnold: $300 per month, reasonably close to campus (5-7 minute walk, tops), utilities included covered--including wireless internet, garbage included, furnished, small room but manageable, parking=free, neighborhood is a little creepy after dark--but tolerable, landlord + landlady live upstairs--might be a little weird (or good or awful, who knows?), two other tenants (female) may share apartment(will they be new friends or enemies or never be seen?)--i.e. bathroom(small but tolerable)/living room(nice & spacious)/kitchen(completely tolerable), large closet, no overnight guests without permission (how difficult is obtaining permission?), is on the downstairs level of house, might be willing to rent from August instead of May. . .

Additional questions:
Do they mind male guests over night?
Washer/Dryer?
Other housemates?
Definitely August lease?
Are the landlords crazy religious, or just religious?
Security deposit?


Option Due--Beechurst efficiency--Panco: $450 per month, parking is $250 for entire year, on Beechurst which means walking up that awful hill--every day--but not a long walk (5-7 tops), might be loud traffic but neighborhood is not too creepy, all by myself--my own personal space, landladies are directly across the street--but they aren't terribly personable, washer/dryer there--and if those are creepy tolerable ones are across street, previous(aka current) tenants smoked?, very small but tolerable bathroom, nice kitchen, very open, fairly large closet, one room instead of separate bedroom but could be arranged nicely, first floor of building (aka no stairs), furnished or unfurnished with preference. . .

Additional questions:
Is it worth extra $ to have my own space?
Do I really want to pay $250 a month for parking?
Really, am I gonna walk up that hill every single day?
Utilities?
Overnight guests?
August Lease, Right???
Security deposit?


Option Three 313 Grand: $400 per month, on street parking w/ pass, nice historic neighborhood (o.o!), lengthy walk from campus but tolerable w/parking garages halfway for emergencies (aka Sarah wakes up reeeally late), upstairs (1 set into place and one after that, unfurnished, landlord was patient when Sarah was a dunce (gosh!) and respectable (around here, this is a serious draw), quiet neighborhood, nice room (big), lots of closet space, all mine with tenants around me but not sharing my space, utilities mostly covered except for garbage and electric (and internet, duh), August lease, unfurnished, a bus totally passes the apartment = ). . .

Additional questions:
Overnight guests?
Washer/Dryer?
Would I really walk that far; is it tolerable?
Furniture to be carried up stairs; problem?
Extra utilities a problem?
So, where is that realty office again?
Security deposit?


Choice 4, which is not a choice: keep searching.


How tiresome. In the end, if I make the right choice, it will be worth it; I'm sure.

Oye! Mi cuerpo pide salsa!

Last night I did manage to find the nerve (without the alcoholic boost I considered) to dress up a little and head over to SOZO for salsa. I only knew one person there, and that person I didn't know very well. However, he danced with me (or tried). Neither of us were very good, and the teachers didn't do very much to assist us. However, it was fun to try. At one point, the friend and I, along with 2 more of his female friends, were dancing with our back to people. I turned around briefly to notice four or five guys just staring in our direction! I felt a little more awkward then. heh. However, thanks to Zumba, I have a better endurance for such things, and I tolerate the awkwardness a little better as well. Oh, and I remember to try to use my hips, too!

Well, one of the guys staring in our direction held out his hand and asked me to dance. I obliged, warning him that I wasn't very good. He kept giving me pointers that helped a lot. He looked Hispanic, but I didn't want to make assumptions or anything. So, he introduced himself as Steven and asked where I was from. I told him, and returned the question. He wanted me to guess, but I refused! I didn't want him to be from Ohio or something and guess Colombia (which would have been my guess). He told me he was from Chile. He also mentioned giving salsa lessons at the rec--he was actually none other than Esteban! Gemma from Zumba talks about Esteban's salsa lessons, and I had thought about going before. However, now that I've met Esteban, I'm definitely going to give it a shot. We had a good time.

I love salsa (but I mostly already knew that!). Shame they didn't play any Gloria Estefan with "Oye! Mi cuerpo pide salsa!" That would have been perfect.

After salsa-ing my heart out, I left my jacket there. However, I was too busy one the phone with a crazy Brit/Aussie tech who talked with a Hilarious accent trying to fix my precious Francesca. All he did was help me wipe my computer clean. boo.

Then I talked to my significant other for a while. He pretty much trumps Esteban hands down, but I already knew that as well. = )

I intend to get much more involved with the Spanish and Italian people. It appears I might not be so bored any more, if I do all this properly. Salsa night, Zumba night, and Spanish and Italian clubs (same night unfortunately), plus, I should go back to Canterbury too. It's almost Lent. Hmm. Doesn't it kind of suck that Valentine's Day is during Lent? Ha, ha...I think that happened in Chocolate. Not a bad movie.

I watched "Funland." It was really good and pretty funny. The tagline for the movie is, "Welcome to the abusement park!" Haha. It actually wasn't bad. "The guy with secret kung fu," however, was mostly as awful as I planned.


Today, however, no salsa or movies for Sarah. I have to put my computer back together and write my Spanish and Italian papers, and study for my Italian test on Monday.
It was pretty terrifying. The only things I had written on my wall calendar for February were tests and major papers, but very very much of my calendar is marked...it's a little intimidating. However, I am a tough cookie, and I shall prevail!

Plus, I'm gonna learn to salsa! = ) I am so pumped!
Hasta luego, amigos mios.
Salsa Sarah