What's this? 2 Posts in one day!?!

Anything to procrastinate!

Actually I wanted to announce how ridiculous my anger response is.

A girl I know has made some really intense changes in her life, and I feel like by doing so, she kind of betrayed me...in a really obscure way.

I don't like the idea of my religion controlling me. I like the guidance; not the mandates. I ranted a while ago in here (in reference to a different yet similar religion to the one I'm mentioning now) about how dare anyone tell me what to wear or what to think.

I saw this girl with her changed lifestyle, obvious by her different choice of wardrobe. It made me really angry and indignant. I was infuriated. How dare she! Doesn't she realize she's gone to that side? She has let them change her.
I'm more indignant, perhaps, because in ways, I almost let them change me. "Sure, I'd love to cook you dinner and clean your house!"
Thank goodness I came (or was brought) to my senses.
Seriously, what the f***?

So anyway, her more modest wardrobe inspired me to cast my jacket aside and stroll around in my tank top--with my bra straps showing!!!! And go on a long "mind-clearing" adventure throughout the lovely town of Mo-town. I have sweet stories to tell, and asap, I'm going to have badass pictures.

Basically, I wanted to rant about how I get mad and try to show the world that I'm far more badass than they can ever hope to be.

Now I move on to...Harry Potter!
Slightly ridiculous Sarah.

Summa, summa, summa!

Since all I can think about while neglecting my responsibilities as of late has been what I want to do/will do all summer, I believe I will make a list:

• Get at least one, if not two, decent lifeguard jobs in the 'Burg where I can work lots of hours earning lots of dinero without getting too stressed out.


• Spend time with my family (though as I write this, I know that I will feel like they are the last people I want to see after 2 or 3 weeks around them 24/7!).


• See my Danielle & my Christa!!!


• See my other friends that I miss so dearly.


• Spend time with my boyfriend. = )


• Relax a little bit and not stress as much (I've been ok about stress lately...so far anyway).


• Play my clarinet much more and actually improve instead of simply remembering the old stuff.


• Spend more time thinking about God. We don't chat as much as we ought to.


• Hopefully spend a week on staff at Peterkin!!!


• Drive, drive, drive, drive, drive!


• Earn money to drive.


• Find and seal the deal on a sweet apartment for next year.


• I would like to continue "Writer Beware" which totally will have a better name...eventually.


• I would also like to work on my Spanish poetry. Marisol is eager with anticipation, her quill already in hand.


• Read more!


• Volunteer more somewhere.


• Cook more? Eh...maybe.


• Perhaps tan a little, but not with spf6 or anything, and not enough to change my race either! (Two summers ago I was a very golden color, for the only time in my life!)


• I don't understand why half on my bullets are single-spaced...


• Have lots of water fights.


• Look into going over seas next year.


• Find Zumba in the Burg!
  

I'm excited for this summer.

Oh. How is it I keep forgetting about that effing Math class? I guess getting it out of the way is pretty sweet too.

Maybe I'll try to listen to more Italian over the summer too. Who knows.

Alright, enough procrastinating. Time to get to work on my English paper. I believe I am doing something involving the feminist perspective on Harry Potter 7, but I'm not entirely sure what my thesis is yet. That's kinda unfortunate being as rough draft numero uno is due for peer editing tomorrow...and it's supposed to be at least 6 pages, but whatev.

Surruh with an H.



Summer here I come!

Crazy

I have fixations, I think. Most of which are unhealthy.

Umm.

Being sick suuuucks.
I had more to write about, an hour ago, but I can't remember. I think I'm going to go back to bed.

grrrrrroooooowwwwwwl.

Being a girl.

I intend to whine about being a girl. Anyone who is not interested or creeped out may leave. I'll post something better some other time, if you're lucky.

Sometimes I like being silly and ridiculous. I like it a lot. I like it when people laugh or think it's cute. Look at me...I'm not exactly a tiny, cute petite girl. I like being cute and silly sometimes. I also like being taken seriously. I hate when someone refuses to take me seriously. I hate feeling irrational when I want to be taken seriously.

I don't blame things on hormones. I don't blow up at someone and then apologize later using PMS as an excuse to lose my temper. I hate it when people do that.

However, I always acknowledge that the things I think and feel when it is that time of the month might not be the things I would think and feel any other time, or that they may be more exaggerated than they should be. I feel like I can't trust anything going through my head.

Tolerating insanity one week a month is irritating, but you just deal with it. So, I couldn't give blood for the Red Cross because my iron was low (because it was that time of the month) on Friday last week, after having gone all week in that state of body and mind. There are then 3 or 4 days of mostly not PMSing, and then it comes back. Mother Nature is being a serious bitch. I have too much stuff to do, too many things to worry about, too many decisions to make and things to consider to feel this irrational. I HATE IT. Aside from the irritating discomfort (continuous discomfort), there's emotions to figure out, and plans to make without focusing too much on emotions. If I'm busy having a break-down because I'm stressed and PMSing and miss my family and my friends and my boyfriend, I won't be able to concentrate to do my work. Oh, and another note: my body isn't supposed to do this!!! <--Adds to stress. Effing hormones. I bombed my Italian test today. It was a disaster. I couldn't remember how to say "wake up." It was the worst Italian test I've ever taken.

Haven't done Linguistics h-work, turned in job applications, written my spanish paper, watched the movie the spanish paper is about, thought about my research paper for english class, studied for my sociology test this evening, taken a shower, eaten more than a doughtnut, etc, etc, etc.

I feel awful, and I am so sick of this.
No more PMS.
Please.

Bitchy Sarah.

P.S. We women are allotted chocolate during PMS. More PMS = more chocolate. Though my boyfriend swears I'm losing weight, I don't believe him. I need to be sane Sarah again.

Fabbio is lucky as hell he didn't bother to make any male chauvinist remarks today; otherwise I might have proved that a woman (especially PMSing) can kick a "man's" ass.

Oh PS, I get to spend my summer doing math. Can't effing wait.

Terror and Sorrow

I am terrified out of my technologically-incompetent mind.
I believe Marisol might have been sliced through and through in the middle of a night of chaos. Dear beloved Marisol, poetess-to-be and singer of my soul,
Stabbed with a knife to the heart while she was sleeping.
Woe is she; woe is me.

[Brief translation: I fear I have lost all my documents, including poetry and other wonderful things that may forever be forgotten.]

Coping--or whining, you decide.

I'm in a downer kind of mood. Missing Peterkin is most of it. Sucking at life is the rest.
haha.

It seems ridiculously unfair that my boyfriend and I only get to see each other for only a few hours at a time every few weeks. = ( I know people suck it up and deal with this all the time, but it doesn't help much. How can you build a relationship over the phone? It's kind of a struggle.

Enough about my love life.

I feel like I'm chained to this country, one arm shackled to Morgantown and the other shackled to Parkersburg. I can't break loose. I can't afford to break away from the hands that feed me and the lives they give me. But how I long to escape! Not simply to take in my own pleasure the world God has created, but to go out and serve, to give myself to people who need me, whom I can help. I want to make the world a better place, even if I change one life. If I make one person's day better, then my day has not been wasted. I feel jealous of these people going out of the country, or even to different parts of the country--I want to do that. So bad. I want to go places and see people. I want to experience everything.
Even if it terrifies me to do so.
I want to escape and bloom and flourish and grow. I wanted to return cultured and astute, informed, worldly and knowledgeable.


How depressing.

I DON'T WANT TO BE EMILY DICKINSON.
I want to go places, see people, do things.
I Want To Live.


I just needed to get that out there.
I know I can live here too. I just really want to go elsewhere for a while, even just once.

Just Because

I have no idea what this post will entail--you have been warned.

Feisty Francesca has returned from rehab, and I am hoping she copes better than Lindsay Lohan and Britney.

I read "Deep Six" and it has me somewhat concerned about our government...conspiracy theories are buzzing through my mind as I type.

I have been avoiding my Spanish paragraph--a ten line paragraph--just because I can't find a salsa/meringue song to translate/summarize. I tried. So, then today I silenced my phone and forgot to unsilence it, which meant I missed Spanish class. I got notes from a girl in class. ooohhh. I am totally hating on that class right now. *hangs head* It makes me feel like way more of a failure than I actually am, I'm nearly sure of it.

Sometimes I stay up obscenely late, just because I dread facing the next day.

I've been having so much trouble feeling inspired to do stuff lately. I turned in my Peterkin application Two Weeks after the deadline. Um, embarrassing much? I was avoiding it in hopes of learning more about Honduras. Or anything else. I want to go overseas so bad, I want to use my Spanish--you know what I'm good at--and help people. While I love being a counselor/lifeguard (though I don't enjoy the lifeguarding part), it doesn't help my search for a career, it doesn't pay well (financially, of course, though it's just as rewarding or more so than many other jobs), and I don't know that it is where God wants me this summer. I have no idea.
So, originally, I just avoided confronting it at all.
But, I ended up confronting it--it makes sooo much more sense.