Coping--or whining, you decide.

I'm in a downer kind of mood. Missing Peterkin is most of it. Sucking at life is the rest.
haha.

It seems ridiculously unfair that my boyfriend and I only get to see each other for only a few hours at a time every few weeks. = ( I know people suck it up and deal with this all the time, but it doesn't help much. How can you build a relationship over the phone? It's kind of a struggle.

Enough about my love life.

I feel like I'm chained to this country, one arm shackled to Morgantown and the other shackled to Parkersburg. I can't break loose. I can't afford to break away from the hands that feed me and the lives they give me. But how I long to escape! Not simply to take in my own pleasure the world God has created, but to go out and serve, to give myself to people who need me, whom I can help. I want to make the world a better place, even if I change one life. If I make one person's day better, then my day has not been wasted. I feel jealous of these people going out of the country, or even to different parts of the country--I want to do that. So bad. I want to go places and see people. I want to experience everything.
Even if it terrifies me to do so.
I want to escape and bloom and flourish and grow. I wanted to return cultured and astute, informed, worldly and knowledgeable.


How depressing.

I DON'T WANT TO BE EMILY DICKINSON.
I want to go places, see people, do things.
I Want To Live.


I just needed to get that out there.
I know I can live here too. I just really want to go elsewhere for a while, even just once.