I don't understand

Oh, we all know there's tons of stuff I don't understand.

At this point, I'm just curious why the time of my post is an hour behind. I'll fix it later I suppose.

Far Well, Mo-town

And good riddens!

It seems I have made more enemies than friends in this town (this occurred to me earlier today). Most of my "enemies" aren't necessarily enemies, per se, so much as people I very much prefer not to run into, and people who make me angry upon seeing them. I can think of at least four or five of these people. Seeing people these people hang out with occasionally inspires a train of thought that leads to this too.

I also discovered, that aside from myself, there is also another common factor in this dilemma--with genetics of XY. A specific one. Had he not entered the mix, I don't think any of these people would bother me, nor would I bother them.

Sucks, huh?

Just thought I'd share.
Mostly, I could care less, though, to be honest. I am okay with this. Next year will be different. I will start fresh and pure and with a clean slate. (Like with God, huh?).
It's kind of amazing.


I can't wait to be home with the people I love.
All of them (except my Peterkin favs, of course!)/
Sarah

What's this? 2 Posts in one day!?!

Anything to procrastinate!

Actually I wanted to announce how ridiculous my anger response is.

A girl I know has made some really intense changes in her life, and I feel like by doing so, she kind of betrayed me...in a really obscure way.

I don't like the idea of my religion controlling me. I like the guidance; not the mandates. I ranted a while ago in here (in reference to a different yet similar religion to the one I'm mentioning now) about how dare anyone tell me what to wear or what to think.

I saw this girl with her changed lifestyle, obvious by her different choice of wardrobe. It made me really angry and indignant. I was infuriated. How dare she! Doesn't she realize she's gone to that side? She has let them change her.
I'm more indignant, perhaps, because in ways, I almost let them change me. "Sure, I'd love to cook you dinner and clean your house!"
Thank goodness I came (or was brought) to my senses.
Seriously, what the f***?

So anyway, her more modest wardrobe inspired me to cast my jacket aside and stroll around in my tank top--with my bra straps showing!!!! And go on a long "mind-clearing" adventure throughout the lovely town of Mo-town. I have sweet stories to tell, and asap, I'm going to have badass pictures.

Basically, I wanted to rant about how I get mad and try to show the world that I'm far more badass than they can ever hope to be.

Now I move on to...Harry Potter!
Slightly ridiculous Sarah.

Summa, summa, summa!

Since all I can think about while neglecting my responsibilities as of late has been what I want to do/will do all summer, I believe I will make a list:

• Get at least one, if not two, decent lifeguard jobs in the 'Burg where I can work lots of hours earning lots of dinero without getting too stressed out.


• Spend time with my family (though as I write this, I know that I will feel like they are the last people I want to see after 2 or 3 weeks around them 24/7!).


• See my Danielle & my Christa!!!


• See my other friends that I miss so dearly.


• Spend time with my boyfriend. = )


• Relax a little bit and not stress as much (I've been ok about stress lately...so far anyway).


• Play my clarinet much more and actually improve instead of simply remembering the old stuff.


• Spend more time thinking about God. We don't chat as much as we ought to.


• Hopefully spend a week on staff at Peterkin!!!


• Drive, drive, drive, drive, drive!


• Earn money to drive.


• Find and seal the deal on a sweet apartment for next year.


• I would like to continue "Writer Beware" which totally will have a better name...eventually.


• I would also like to work on my Spanish poetry. Marisol is eager with anticipation, her quill already in hand.


• Read more!


• Volunteer more somewhere.


• Cook more? Eh...maybe.


• Perhaps tan a little, but not with spf6 or anything, and not enough to change my race either! (Two summers ago I was a very golden color, for the only time in my life!)


• I don't understand why half on my bullets are single-spaced...


• Have lots of water fights.


• Look into going over seas next year.


• Find Zumba in the Burg!
  

I'm excited for this summer.

Oh. How is it I keep forgetting about that effing Math class? I guess getting it out of the way is pretty sweet too.

Maybe I'll try to listen to more Italian over the summer too. Who knows.

Alright, enough procrastinating. Time to get to work on my English paper. I believe I am doing something involving the feminist perspective on Harry Potter 7, but I'm not entirely sure what my thesis is yet. That's kinda unfortunate being as rough draft numero uno is due for peer editing tomorrow...and it's supposed to be at least 6 pages, but whatev.

Surruh with an H.



Summer here I come!

Crazy

I have fixations, I think. Most of which are unhealthy.

Umm.

Being sick suuuucks.
I had more to write about, an hour ago, but I can't remember. I think I'm going to go back to bed.

grrrrrroooooowwwwwwl.

Being a girl.

I intend to whine about being a girl. Anyone who is not interested or creeped out may leave. I'll post something better some other time, if you're lucky.

Sometimes I like being silly and ridiculous. I like it a lot. I like it when people laugh or think it's cute. Look at me...I'm not exactly a tiny, cute petite girl. I like being cute and silly sometimes. I also like being taken seriously. I hate when someone refuses to take me seriously. I hate feeling irrational when I want to be taken seriously.

I don't blame things on hormones. I don't blow up at someone and then apologize later using PMS as an excuse to lose my temper. I hate it when people do that.

However, I always acknowledge that the things I think and feel when it is that time of the month might not be the things I would think and feel any other time, or that they may be more exaggerated than they should be. I feel like I can't trust anything going through my head.

Tolerating insanity one week a month is irritating, but you just deal with it. So, I couldn't give blood for the Red Cross because my iron was low (because it was that time of the month) on Friday last week, after having gone all week in that state of body and mind. There are then 3 or 4 days of mostly not PMSing, and then it comes back. Mother Nature is being a serious bitch. I have too much stuff to do, too many things to worry about, too many decisions to make and things to consider to feel this irrational. I HATE IT. Aside from the irritating discomfort (continuous discomfort), there's emotions to figure out, and plans to make without focusing too much on emotions. If I'm busy having a break-down because I'm stressed and PMSing and miss my family and my friends and my boyfriend, I won't be able to concentrate to do my work. Oh, and another note: my body isn't supposed to do this!!! <--Adds to stress. Effing hormones. I bombed my Italian test today. It was a disaster. I couldn't remember how to say "wake up." It was the worst Italian test I've ever taken.

Haven't done Linguistics h-work, turned in job applications, written my spanish paper, watched the movie the spanish paper is about, thought about my research paper for english class, studied for my sociology test this evening, taken a shower, eaten more than a doughtnut, etc, etc, etc.

I feel awful, and I am so sick of this.
No more PMS.
Please.

Bitchy Sarah.

P.S. We women are allotted chocolate during PMS. More PMS = more chocolate. Though my boyfriend swears I'm losing weight, I don't believe him. I need to be sane Sarah again.

Fabbio is lucky as hell he didn't bother to make any male chauvinist remarks today; otherwise I might have proved that a woman (especially PMSing) can kick a "man's" ass.

Oh PS, I get to spend my summer doing math. Can't effing wait.

Terror and Sorrow

I am terrified out of my technologically-incompetent mind.
I believe Marisol might have been sliced through and through in the middle of a night of chaos. Dear beloved Marisol, poetess-to-be and singer of my soul,
Stabbed with a knife to the heart while she was sleeping.
Woe is she; woe is me.

[Brief translation: I fear I have lost all my documents, including poetry and other wonderful things that may forever be forgotten.]

Coping--or whining, you decide.

I'm in a downer kind of mood. Missing Peterkin is most of it. Sucking at life is the rest.
haha.

It seems ridiculously unfair that my boyfriend and I only get to see each other for only a few hours at a time every few weeks. = ( I know people suck it up and deal with this all the time, but it doesn't help much. How can you build a relationship over the phone? It's kind of a struggle.

Enough about my love life.

I feel like I'm chained to this country, one arm shackled to Morgantown and the other shackled to Parkersburg. I can't break loose. I can't afford to break away from the hands that feed me and the lives they give me. But how I long to escape! Not simply to take in my own pleasure the world God has created, but to go out and serve, to give myself to people who need me, whom I can help. I want to make the world a better place, even if I change one life. If I make one person's day better, then my day has not been wasted. I feel jealous of these people going out of the country, or even to different parts of the country--I want to do that. So bad. I want to go places and see people. I want to experience everything.
Even if it terrifies me to do so.
I want to escape and bloom and flourish and grow. I wanted to return cultured and astute, informed, worldly and knowledgeable.


How depressing.

I DON'T WANT TO BE EMILY DICKINSON.
I want to go places, see people, do things.
I Want To Live.


I just needed to get that out there.
I know I can live here too. I just really want to go elsewhere for a while, even just once.

Just Because

I have no idea what this post will entail--you have been warned.

Feisty Francesca has returned from rehab, and I am hoping she copes better than Lindsay Lohan and Britney.

I read "Deep Six" and it has me somewhat concerned about our government...conspiracy theories are buzzing through my mind as I type.

I have been avoiding my Spanish paragraph--a ten line paragraph--just because I can't find a salsa/meringue song to translate/summarize. I tried. So, then today I silenced my phone and forgot to unsilence it, which meant I missed Spanish class. I got notes from a girl in class. ooohhh. I am totally hating on that class right now. *hangs head* It makes me feel like way more of a failure than I actually am, I'm nearly sure of it.

Sometimes I stay up obscenely late, just because I dread facing the next day.

I've been having so much trouble feeling inspired to do stuff lately. I turned in my Peterkin application Two Weeks after the deadline. Um, embarrassing much? I was avoiding it in hopes of learning more about Honduras. Or anything else. I want to go overseas so bad, I want to use my Spanish--you know what I'm good at--and help people. While I love being a counselor/lifeguard (though I don't enjoy the lifeguarding part), it doesn't help my search for a career, it doesn't pay well (financially, of course, though it's just as rewarding or more so than many other jobs), and I don't know that it is where God wants me this summer. I have no idea.
So, originally, I just avoided confronting it at all.
But, I ended up confronting it--it makes sooo much more sense.

. . .Confessions and Images . . . < 3

I wrote in xanga instead, because I'm a wimp.
So here are sweet pics.







I want to be swept away.




Hold me.






I miss my clarinet a lot.








I like biting. And kissing.
A lot.



Sometimes you just need to beat the hell out of something.



Or dance around in your underwear.

My friends

I love my family and friends more than anyone in the whole wide world.

With all the reflecting I've been doing lately, I've been remembering how much they've helped me in the past.

God has blessed me with beautiful, wonderful friends who, like me, are imperfect, but with their imperfection, they are perfect.

I'd be hopelessly lost without them.

That's all I can type and still remain composed.

If I got paid per apartment visit, I'd have a whole month's rent in no time!

Option Uno--Near Arnold: $300 per month, reasonably close to campus (5-7 minute walk, tops), utilities included covered--including wireless internet, garbage included, furnished, small room but manageable, parking=free, neighborhood is a little creepy after dark--but tolerable, landlord + landlady live upstairs--might be a little weird (or good or awful, who knows?), two other tenants (female) may share apartment(will they be new friends or enemies or never be seen?)--i.e. bathroom(small but tolerable)/living room(nice & spacious)/kitchen(completely tolerable), large closet, no overnight guests without permission (how difficult is obtaining permission?), is on the downstairs level of house, might be willing to rent from August instead of May. . .

Additional questions:
Do they mind male guests over night?
Washer/Dryer?
Other housemates?
Definitely August lease?
Are the landlords crazy religious, or just religious?
Security deposit?


Option Due--Beechurst efficiency--Panco: $450 per month, parking is $250 for entire year, on Beechurst which means walking up that awful hill--every day--but not a long walk (5-7 tops), might be loud traffic but neighborhood is not too creepy, all by myself--my own personal space, landladies are directly across the street--but they aren't terribly personable, washer/dryer there--and if those are creepy tolerable ones are across street, previous(aka current) tenants smoked?, very small but tolerable bathroom, nice kitchen, very open, fairly large closet, one room instead of separate bedroom but could be arranged nicely, first floor of building (aka no stairs), furnished or unfurnished with preference. . .

Additional questions:
Is it worth extra $ to have my own space?
Do I really want to pay $250 a month for parking?
Really, am I gonna walk up that hill every single day?
Utilities?
Overnight guests?
August Lease, Right???
Security deposit?


Option Three 313 Grand: $400 per month, on street parking w/ pass, nice historic neighborhood (o.o!), lengthy walk from campus but tolerable w/parking garages halfway for emergencies (aka Sarah wakes up reeeally late), upstairs (1 set into place and one after that, unfurnished, landlord was patient when Sarah was a dunce (gosh!) and respectable (around here, this is a serious draw), quiet neighborhood, nice room (big), lots of closet space, all mine with tenants around me but not sharing my space, utilities mostly covered except for garbage and electric (and internet, duh), August lease, unfurnished, a bus totally passes the apartment = ). . .

Additional questions:
Overnight guests?
Washer/Dryer?
Would I really walk that far; is it tolerable?
Furniture to be carried up stairs; problem?
Extra utilities a problem?
So, where is that realty office again?
Security deposit?


Choice 4, which is not a choice: keep searching.


How tiresome. In the end, if I make the right choice, it will be worth it; I'm sure.

Oye! Mi cuerpo pide salsa!

Last night I did manage to find the nerve (without the alcoholic boost I considered) to dress up a little and head over to SOZO for salsa. I only knew one person there, and that person I didn't know very well. However, he danced with me (or tried). Neither of us were very good, and the teachers didn't do very much to assist us. However, it was fun to try. At one point, the friend and I, along with 2 more of his female friends, were dancing with our back to people. I turned around briefly to notice four or five guys just staring in our direction! I felt a little more awkward then. heh. However, thanks to Zumba, I have a better endurance for such things, and I tolerate the awkwardness a little better as well. Oh, and I remember to try to use my hips, too!

Well, one of the guys staring in our direction held out his hand and asked me to dance. I obliged, warning him that I wasn't very good. He kept giving me pointers that helped a lot. He looked Hispanic, but I didn't want to make assumptions or anything. So, he introduced himself as Steven and asked where I was from. I told him, and returned the question. He wanted me to guess, but I refused! I didn't want him to be from Ohio or something and guess Colombia (which would have been my guess). He told me he was from Chile. He also mentioned giving salsa lessons at the rec--he was actually none other than Esteban! Gemma from Zumba talks about Esteban's salsa lessons, and I had thought about going before. However, now that I've met Esteban, I'm definitely going to give it a shot. We had a good time.

I love salsa (but I mostly already knew that!). Shame they didn't play any Gloria Estefan with "Oye! Mi cuerpo pide salsa!" That would have been perfect.

After salsa-ing my heart out, I left my jacket there. However, I was too busy one the phone with a crazy Brit/Aussie tech who talked with a Hilarious accent trying to fix my precious Francesca. All he did was help me wipe my computer clean. boo.

Then I talked to my significant other for a while. He pretty much trumps Esteban hands down, but I already knew that as well. = )

I intend to get much more involved with the Spanish and Italian people. It appears I might not be so bored any more, if I do all this properly. Salsa night, Zumba night, and Spanish and Italian clubs (same night unfortunately), plus, I should go back to Canterbury too. It's almost Lent. Hmm. Doesn't it kind of suck that Valentine's Day is during Lent? Ha, ha...I think that happened in Chocolate. Not a bad movie.

I watched "Funland." It was really good and pretty funny. The tagline for the movie is, "Welcome to the abusement park!" Haha. It actually wasn't bad. "The guy with secret kung fu," however, was mostly as awful as I planned.


Today, however, no salsa or movies for Sarah. I have to put my computer back together and write my Spanish and Italian papers, and study for my Italian test on Monday.
It was pretty terrifying. The only things I had written on my wall calendar for February were tests and major papers, but very very much of my calendar is marked...it's a little intimidating. However, I am a tough cookie, and I shall prevail!

Plus, I'm gonna learn to salsa! = ) I am so pumped!
Hasta luego, amigos mios.
Salsa Sarah

Some Poetry.

Emily Dickinson.

The Rose did caper on her cheek --
Her Bodice rose and fell --
Her pretty speech -- like drunken men --
Did stagger pitiful --

Her fingers fumbled at her work --
Her needle would not go --
What ailed so smart a little Maid --
It puzzled me to know --

Till opposite -- I spied a cheek
That bore another Rose --
Just opposite -- Another speech
That like the Drunkard goes --

A Vest that like her Bodice, danced --
To the immortal tune --
Till those two troubled -- little Clocks
Ticked softly into one.

 * * * * * * 

To lose thee, sweeter than to gain
All other hearts I knew.
'Tis true the drought is destitute,
But then I had the dew!

* * * * * * *


For now, that is all. I might attend a salsa night tonight.
I have also been reading Edgar Allan Poe, but he's hardly the charmer that Miss
Dickinson is! Ah, still, he's a fav.

Firecracka!

What a firecracka!


So I have seen at least a billion apartments, most which won't work. The one that is looking promising is owned by 2 crazy landlords who lived on the floor above it. I don't know if the fact that they asked my religion and prohibit profanity and overnight visitors (without approval) in their written lease means they're actually crazy and/or Christians. However, the financial aspect, along with a few other key aspects, are the best I have seen thus far.
I'm praying about it and thinking it over.

I was my kind of deathly ill this weekend, and my mom who spoils me took me home and made me better. I'm kind of a dumbass sometimes, I s'pose. Tylenol + food = no pain; Tylenol - food = nausea. Not fun!

I am wiser and healthier now, though, so it's ok!

Umm...Italo Calvino is a crazy Cuban who pretends to be Italian and I refuse to read any more of his books because "If on a winter night a traveler" is a ridiculously frustrating book that should be burned if not banned! Gosh!

I began re-working one of my stories.... = ) It took a turn for the worst for one of the characters, I'm afraid. oh geez.

It's raining, and it has been most of the day, and it makes me feel wicked gloomy, but that's alright.

My nose hurts; because genetics sucks & I have a big nose. = < (my glasses don't help I guess)

I did my laundry last night, and all my homework for tomorrow is aaaaall done!

Yup.
I'm amazing.
That is all.
sæɹʌ

Suspense.

I am officially not using university housing next year, which means I have to scour the downtown campus for a decent, safe, affordable 1 bedroom apartment which will allow me to sublease the place for the summer. It doesn't really sound like I'm requiring a lot, does it?
Ha! How wrong we are! The subleasing has been my biggest problems so far, but come on! Do these people really expect me to live in Morgantown, a place that bores me while all the college students are around, in the summer when no one is here??? I doubt it!

I have officially inspected:

• 4 apartments from a crazy old man
• 2 from a creepy as hell landlord
• 1 from a lady named Paulette who reminds me of the girl from the nail salon on Legally Blonde (I reeeally liked this one! If only she'd let me sublet it!)
• 1 from a creepy redneck that had the SMALLEST bathroom I have EVER SEEN
• 1 apartment with NO WALLS!!!! (talk about unfurnished! haha.) (construction to be done in MAY!!!), and another place from the same people--TWICE the Price of rent!

Oh, and before seeing the last set of apartments, I got splashed by a car that hit a huge puddle head-on. Even my FACE was splashed!!! I stared in shock. It was quite horrific.

In other news, I am socially inept and feel more comfortable talking to random homeless guys, blind guys, crazy evangelists, and rental agents than anyone I might remotely have anything in common with. Not so far-fetched.
I am a damn weird kid.

Oh, and sometimes people with minds that analyze everything terrify me (alright, well, I already knew this). Zack was talking about the economic situation in America and it was very depressing. Wow. We talked (well, mainly he talked & I interjected occasionally) for a long time. I need to do serious research on the political candidates.
Seriously, John McCain, one HUNDRED more years in Iraq? Seriously? I don't think so.

Oy.

Now, I am going to listen to good music, or at least cheery music, buy some bread, and try not to get mulled by hungry ducks. *grin*

2 more Apartments to see tonight, 1 thursday, and 1 friday. Wish me serious luck.

Still not discouraged,
Sarah

Poetic insight from Marisol

"mis mejillas están rosas con pasión
mientras mis ojos ríen con inocencia,
inocencia que mis acciones traicionan."

marisol maravilla.

My Awesomeness.

My Friday nights are badass.

I put Lohan, Spears, and Hilton all to shame.
(but, really, who doesn't?)


In other news, everything isn't that bad, I'm not that emo (ah, but the semester is young!).
I LOVE ZUMBA. Love, love, love it!
I'm sending out a love letter today. It's the first in quite a while. = )

Umm...my Friday nights are really not badass at all......oh well. One day, baby, one day.

Horizons

There are numerous (or infinite?) new challenges on the horizon, and honestly, they're all quite terrifying.


That's why I'm gonna play the Sarah Card for now, and ignore them all til the last possible moment.
eek.

There's a bat in the attic; and it's giving mom bats in the belfry.
heh.

Adios, 2007, arrivaderci! It's time for 2008!

2007 was pretty rough, dynamic, and chaotic. I floundered through it, though.

There are a few regrets, I suppose, which is something I don't usually say or think or admit. However, lessons were learned, and it's about time to move on.

I could do a highlights of last year thing, but quite honestly, last year kind of sucked, and I'm glad it's behind me.

= ) I mean that in the most "no hard feelings" way possible. 

A few good things from last include:

being counslelour/b.a. lifeguard at Peterkin during the summer

surviving last semester

taking risks

beginning to learn a new language

learning more about myself

learning more about others

learning about things that aren't as they seem

appreciating good friends much more.

2008, on the other hand, should be good.

I'm gonna rock 2008 like never before.

No resolution, ohter than to love this year and make it a good one, and to be ME, 100%.

And it seems I'm off to a good start.

Oh, and I had a sweet dream where I charmed a serial killer by praying in Spanish. It was intense, but I won't go into that...

I played my clarinet for the first time since college started this fall yesterday. It felt good, refreshing, filling, pure. Music is good.

I am happy, in a pure, true, good sense.

Happy New Year, everyone.