Peterkin still / Puberty is a biatch.

I love that I'm here, but I miss my lover something awful. I'm so glad he visits me all the time though! <3 so much.

So, I really have lots to say, but I am feeling sick of putting up with google being slow. I will say that I am feeling more adventurous as days go by...

And I'm enjoying that immensely! ; )

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Ahem.
I had been neglecting my MIX account and discovered 89 UNREAD messages today!!!!!!! One being about a potential R.A. Position....in Lyon Tower, which is completely far away from every single one of my classes & my silly boy, but whatev. The email arrived on the 14th of June...and it was supposed to be followed up by a phone call.....to my cell phone....which doesn't not receive service....anywhere...
ugh.

However, the way I see it is this: God's will be done. If God wants me to be an R.A. on the other half of campus, far be it from me to complain. However, I will be much more involved with the PRT if that is the case. ugh.

I love Peterkin. I missed seeing little kids, and trust me, some of the ones here--adorable! However, tomorrow is the float trip and a pool party, both on the same day, with all the little kids. I'm a little nervous about that one. Think about me...<3
Today has been an okay day off...nothing exciting going on, but I think I needed some relaxing time. I think I'll make a phone call pretty soon. My parents are visiting on Saturday when they bring Chuckie up for Junior Camp next week. Yeah real food!! *Praise God*

I've been learning a lot & playing my clarinet some too.

Sometimes I find it enthralling just how different we all are (oh-so-vague).

The best you can do when a friend plans (even in the long-term) to do something you deem crazy is to tell said-friend how you feel & why, & let him/her know that you are there for him/her no matter what, right (Well, aside from chaining said-friend to bed posts & ...maybe if I sang at him/her it would torture the person into surrendering..?...)? Good...so I guess that's done...(being as I left my chains at home...well actually...(not kidding!))...

Another thing. Sometimes there are so many ideas/thoughts flying through my head that I wish I had a fishing net to catch them all. Unfortunately, I have yet to discover afore-mentioned net, and thus, I am resigned to grabbing each individual thought/idea & hoping to do something with it before it wriggles out of my grip & back into the water.
---What is it with these fish analogies...?-----

Boys Are Trouble.
(duh).

What else? Hmmm. 2 of my amphibious friends were floating in the pool post-mortem today. I held a brief funeral service before the munchkins arrived in hopes of avoiding chaos (Imagine a bunch of 6-7 yr. olds crying about dead frogs!). I was devastated.

I am still slightly disappointed that I am still so far behind when it comes to getting the chance to have discussions with people. I feel like I'm not needed at all, actually, at least with a certain friend. Sure, there's time for ME to talk, but only if I really need it (otherwise we'll have a "Sarah's having an emotional breakdown!" moment again, and we certainly don't need that. ) I am really trying to not just be jealous or attitudinal or pissy if you want to call it that (which I don't, in all honesty). I am trying to consider that girlfriend is above friend on the priority thing, which is okay by me because I like to put boyfriend on a slightly higher level sometimes too (I hope that comes out the way I'd like it to...). However, it would be nice to not have to feel like it's a "Well, Girlfriend is busy, but I haven't talked to Sarah for a while..." ordeal.

I try not to be needy, selfish, and psycho-emotional-crazy girl, but you know what? I have trouble being too terribly apathetic as well. That's what you get for befriending me in the first place. Once I become attached, I'd like to keep it that way. Unfortunate, I know.

Ugh.

I need music.

good night kiddies.

Another 'nother another thing is that I think I've discovered a trickle of reasoning as to why I have issues having friends who are girls (I mean, I have them, & the ones I have are...A-Mazing(duh)). However, it seems it takes me much longer to become comfortable with most, although I must say that I sort of feel a pretty good "friend-potential" connection with Rachael, which is awesome since I didn't really get to know her much during camp. However, back to my point, which is that I think I have a sort of complex about judgement and jealousy, two completely separate things. The latter of which could quite possibly explain a small portion of my competitive drives. I'm sure the judgement issue stems from roots quite like the size of the wild onions roots from mom's flowerbed (for real, those were the biggest roots EVER!) that were borne(maybe...) of 6th grade girls. Puberty is a biatch. The jealousy, who knows where the eff that came from, but I would love for it to go away, like now.
oy.

I am going to call my lover, work on hemp, maybe work on letters & listen to music. Goodnight for real.