So.

So I am going to try to stop being weird & vague in this thing because that's just weird, dumb, and immature. Time to grow up.

Yesterday was my last full day off, and it was a decent one.

I am not sure that I am ready to leave Peterkin just yet, but hopefully I will be by the time Sunday rolls around.

I finally have my Peterkin ring. The second I slid it on my finger, I felt closer to being ready to leave, and at the same time, more like a real counselor. It is not really that important/crucial/materialish(ah lack of words). It is just that I think it reinforces what I kind of already knew/have been realizing: I survived a whole summer as a counselor at Peterkin. The first few weeks, I definitely doubted myself. I kept looking back on my counselors from back in the day, and wondering, how did they do it? It's so much work, so much stress. But I managed to do it, and enjoy it. I still would kind of like to do it again, just because I know I could do it better the next time.

However, Jason mentioned possibly being able to get me an internship in Honduras....

*marvels for a while*

I have to go do some relaxing because it will be a long afternoon/evening/night. I miss everyone so much. <3 Take care.

The one & only Sarah C.

Confessionsss

I must admit I'm a little distraught at the moment. I feel like my life has been rather disrupted lately.
Disrupted, discourse, dismay, disoriented, disjointed, dispute, discombobulated.
My love life, my "social life(ha! as if I have one!)," my peterkin life, and my spiritual life.
Hopefully, stuff is finally mostly fixed in the first one,the second--as walways--work-in-progress, 3rd--getting there?--4th...we'll see.

I'm tired, but I really hope that everyone sucks it up & stops whining about wanting to be home. We all want to be home, okay? You're not the only one. You suffered this long, surely you can handle one more week.
I have learned so much and grown so much this summer. I just want everyone else to be patient enough and courteous enough to let us end it in a perfect way.

Then they can do whatever they want when they get home and never see me again.
It's totally cool...

Sorry, I really do need sleep...

En Espanol

Hoy me di cuenta que no he usado espanol para un gran tiempo. Entonces, voy a escribir mis pensamientos en espanol. Para estas razones, y que es demasiado tarde en la noche, por favor, ignoranles los problemas gramaticales.

Oye, chicos.
Mi vida del amor está un poco desarreglado ahora. Mi corazón ya está en el lugar correcto, pero mi cuerpo está en un otro lado del mundo. Unos de mis amigos mejores y yo pasamos mucho tiempo con cada uno estos días. Este es muy bueno en una manera porque hay una posibilidad que el no va a estar en este estado, ni en este parte del país, cuando un ano habería pasado. Entonces, quizás es muy bueno que nosotros pasamos mucho tiempo con cada uno. Pero, en la otra mano, el es mi AMIGO. Y debería estar mi amigo muy bueno, y nada mas. Nada mas, me oyen, chicos? He hecho este errore, y no quiero hacerlo otra vez. Sin embargo, he hecho muchos errores otros en esta manera hoy. Sí, es la verdad, desfortunadamente. Por que, me pregunté, por que? No hay ninguna razón para esta locuridad en mi vida del amor en este momento.

No le quiero como más que un amigo, de esto yo estoy segura. MUY SEGURA. Pero, si este es el caso, porque lo hice hoy, eh, eh chicos? No lo sé. Pero, quizás un pequito parte de mí pensé que el chico significó que el deseó a mi en vez de su novia. Pero, pienso ahora que este no es el caso.

Ahora, pienso que el caso es que el solamente quiere una amiga con quien el puede jugar. A mi, este me duele muchisimo. Muchas gracias, amigo mio. <>

Me enojo muchisisisisisisisimo.
Me duele la cabeza.
Fin.

grrrrrr

P.D. No hay ningunos secretos mas preciosos que los de los novios; pero, ellos no saben lo que estos secretos hacen al mundo.
He dicho.

Oh, yeah, and another thing

A massage doesn't fix everything, ya know.








but it does help sometimes...






and only sometimes.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Again, another another thing, I really miss my love, my cat, and my comfy bed...in that order, but not necessarily on the same levels. French Sigh.

My life flashes before my eyes...

A few days ago a kid threw a beach ball into the creek. After shooing the kid away, I assured the kids that I had already rescued the ball (proving it with a different beach ball--I love small children!). However, yesterday I deduced that the ball, indeed, must be fetched, so I told Andrew he had to go with me, mostly because it was really steep & I didn't think I'd be able to safely climb back up. Well, we safely retrieved the ball, and Andrew scaled up a rope without hardly flinching (stupid boyscout). So it was my turn and I grabbed the rope reluctantly. I thought I had it under control until my feet slipped & I swung around through the air. This was the second time in my life that I thought I was going to die (remember the first was my lifeguard pre-test where I almost drowned). So I still had the rope (thank goodness) and yelled at Andrew who helped me up the freakin' cliff (or something...) and I didn't die.

But oh geez it was a little terrifying for a moment.
Just a moment though.
And then he threw me into the pool. But revenge is so sweet, so he should beware.

Indeed.

I miss having quiet time to myself. I feel I should address this soon...<3 = ) ...

Hasta luego.

Peterkin still / Puberty is a biatch.

I love that I'm here, but I miss my lover something awful. I'm so glad he visits me all the time though! <3 so much.

So, I really have lots to say, but I am feeling sick of putting up with google being slow. I will say that I am feeling more adventurous as days go by...

And I'm enjoying that immensely! ; )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ahem.
I had been neglecting my MIX account and discovered 89 UNREAD messages today!!!!!!! One being about a potential R.A. Position....in Lyon Tower, which is completely far away from every single one of my classes & my silly boy, but whatev. The email arrived on the 14th of June...and it was supposed to be followed up by a phone call.....to my cell phone....which doesn't not receive service....anywhere...
ugh.

However, the way I see it is this: God's will be done. If God wants me to be an R.A. on the other half of campus, far be it from me to complain. However, I will be much more involved with the PRT if that is the case. ugh.

I love Peterkin. I missed seeing little kids, and trust me, some of the ones here--adorable! However, tomorrow is the float trip and a pool party, both on the same day, with all the little kids. I'm a little nervous about that one. Think about me...<3
Today has been an okay day off...nothing exciting going on, but I think I needed some relaxing time. I think I'll make a phone call pretty soon. My parents are visiting on Saturday when they bring Chuckie up for Junior Camp next week. Yeah real food!! *Praise God*

I've been learning a lot & playing my clarinet some too.

Sometimes I find it enthralling just how different we all are (oh-so-vague).

The best you can do when a friend plans (even in the long-term) to do something you deem crazy is to tell said-friend how you feel & why, & let him/her know that you are there for him/her no matter what, right (Well, aside from chaining said-friend to bed posts & ...maybe if I sang at him/her it would torture the person into surrendering..?...)? Good...so I guess that's done...(being as I left my chains at home...well actually...(not kidding!))...

Another thing. Sometimes there are so many ideas/thoughts flying through my head that I wish I had a fishing net to catch them all. Unfortunately, I have yet to discover afore-mentioned net, and thus, I am resigned to grabbing each individual thought/idea & hoping to do something with it before it wriggles out of my grip & back into the water.
---What is it with these fish analogies...?-----

Boys Are Trouble.
(duh).

What else? Hmmm. 2 of my amphibious friends were floating in the pool post-mortem today. I held a brief funeral service before the munchkins arrived in hopes of avoiding chaos (Imagine a bunch of 6-7 yr. olds crying about dead frogs!). I was devastated.

I am still slightly disappointed that I am still so far behind when it comes to getting the chance to have discussions with people. I feel like I'm not needed at all, actually, at least with a certain friend. Sure, there's time for ME to talk, but only if I really need it (otherwise we'll have a "Sarah's having an emotional breakdown!" moment again, and we certainly don't need that. ) I am really trying to not just be jealous or attitudinal or pissy if you want to call it that (which I don't, in all honesty). I am trying to consider that girlfriend is above friend on the priority thing, which is okay by me because I like to put boyfriend on a slightly higher level sometimes too (I hope that comes out the way I'd like it to...). However, it would be nice to not have to feel like it's a "Well, Girlfriend is busy, but I haven't talked to Sarah for a while..." ordeal.

I try not to be needy, selfish, and psycho-emotional-crazy girl, but you know what? I have trouble being too terribly apathetic as well. That's what you get for befriending me in the first place. Once I become attached, I'd like to keep it that way. Unfortunate, I know.

Ugh.

I need music.

good night kiddies.

Another 'nother another thing is that I think I've discovered a trickle of reasoning as to why I have issues having friends who are girls (I mean, I have them, & the ones I have are...A-Mazing(duh)). However, it seems it takes me much longer to become comfortable with most, although I must say that I sort of feel a pretty good "friend-potential" connection with Rachael, which is awesome since I didn't really get to know her much during camp. However, back to my point, which is that I think I have a sort of complex about judgement and jealousy, two completely separate things. The latter of which could quite possibly explain a small portion of my competitive drives. I'm sure the judgement issue stems from roots quite like the size of the wild onions roots from mom's flowerbed (for real, those were the biggest roots EVER!) that were borne(maybe...) of 6th grade girls. Puberty is a biatch. The jealousy, who knows where the eff that came from, but I would love for it to go away, like now.
oy.

I am going to call my lover, work on hemp, maybe work on letters & listen to music. Goodnight for real.