Swirling.

Swirling sounds like a good way to describe life right now. If you're looking for any concrete explanations on that one, turn back now. I'm in a mood to be vague and ambiguous.

Everything in my life is swirling around me, not uncontrollably, and not out of my reach either, at least not yet anyway. Everything is just far enough that I have to stretch to reach, and I feel either 1--too lazy/exhausted/stubborn, or 2--too worried to do it.

There more I write in this, the less sense it seems to make.

So maybe blunt and obvious is the best way to go for tonight. Sorry to disappoint.

Okay. Here it goes. So, I'm nervous about school stuff, first of all. I'm worried that the classes won't be arranged the way they should and that they'll be harder than I thought and that my grades won't be good. I have to do much better this year in order to keep the Promise. I am worried that my new roommate won't like me or that she will be psycho. I am worried that I will drive her crazy instead of the other way around. I am worried that I will miss all of my friends too much. I am worried that I won't spend the "right" amount of time with Ammar, whether too much or too little. I am worried that I worry too much.

I am worried about effin parallel parking. It frustrates me because every time I think I've figured it out, it turns out that I haven't at all.

I am worried about what I will do next summer. Such a large part of me wants to go to Honduras, maybe it will help me figure out what direction the next part of my life will take, improve my Spanish, allow me to be more worldly/cultured, and allow me to have life-changing experiences.
However, I'm such a picky eater, would I be able to survive on orphanage food? Especially since chicken is mostly for special occassions. (<--that's totally not a sentences, but I really don't care right now). I have never gone more than 3/4/5 weeks without seeing some member of my family, how would I cope? I'm sure there's very little if any internet access, hardly any phone lines. Definitely no cell service (duh). Could I handle being away from everyone that long? Could my relationship withstand that kind of torture? Would I even want to make him try? < / 3
And what about Peterkin? I would love to be the lifeguard/counselor again, but my choices for Honduras are either a whole year there, or a summer. Summer seems to be the most intelligent choice, but I want to work at Peterkin too.


Whatever.
I'm tired & we have church tomorrow.
Goodnight to those who cared too listen. = )

I won't stress too much, I promise. And I'll try to take some action and be productive soon.

The H is getting the best of your favorite Sarah.